I constantly fear that there will be a shooting at my school. Just the thought of guns and grenades will get my mind racing with fear. I feel so vulnerable, I get anxious every time I step out of my house.
I said, I’m getting a double major in Spanish and Physical Therapy.
I meant, I don’t know what the hell I’m doing with the rest of my life.
My grandmother was a wonderful woman. She always listened and had a very forgiving heart. I treated her like shit. I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself.
I first started cutting because I felt like I wasn’t good enough for anyone, I cut everytime I fought with my parents. I punished myself for not being a better daughter.
I pretend I’m a terrible actress, but the truth is I act everyday. No one ever sees what I’m really thinking or feeling. My lines may have come across as stilted or emotionless in plays during high school, but I’m proud to say I haven’t messed up any of my lines in real life. You’ll never know who I am.
I have had panic attacks since my great-grandmother died of cancer when I was 7. She lasted a little over a month from the time she found out. I didn’t know what was wrong. 13 years later, I still shake when I realize that no matter what I do, no matter what kind of person I am or what decisions I make, that death will come for me. I used to believe in Catholicism. Now I don’t believe in anything. I just hope –against all reason– that there will be something on the other side.
Dear Sweetheart,
You should know that even though I look sweet and innocent on the outside, I’m a heartless, selfish bitch at the core. I’m afraid of commitment. I’ve hurt a lot of guys, mostly unintentionally. And without a doubt, I will hurt you. I’ll ignore your texts and calls because I won’t be in a mood to talk with you. I’ll lie, but you’ll never know. I’ll feel like I’m suffocating, and I’ll try to escape. All I can say is that it’s the way I am. I just want you to know what you’re in for.
