When you betrayed my trust I never thought it would be the key to finding myself.
I pretend not to care that you got married and moved to Japan, but the truth is, I’m so jealous. Because you got away from this. Because you got away from me, and I can’t do that myself.
Work 9-5, go pick the baby up from day care, come home to a cookie cutter house with the perfect yard a business man husband just mowed, have dinner by 7pm, watch television for an hour, put the baby to bed, have sex with said husband only to have him get off after 5 minutes and then wonder why I bother and wonder why I’m not good enough because I know he watches porn anyway, then go to sleep just to wake up and do it all over again.
You know what I say to that? HELL no. Fuck the American dream, I don’t want it. Sorry to disappoint, Dad.
I pretend I’m together but the truth is I feel lost, alone, scared, insecure, and suspicious that so does everyone else.
you lead me on. you lead every girl on. All those nights, staying up late texting you, imagining that maybe one day you would finally feel the same way about me. I was wrong. You never text me anymore, I guess I took for granted all those times when i would look at my phone and it’d be you. I wish that just this once, everything wouldn’t get screwed up. I wish that everything would fall perfectly, that i could have what all my friends have. An un-awkward relationship with my bestfriend. YOU. When I look up in class and our eyes meet, I get butterflies (: It gives me hope, that maybe, just maybe you’ll fall in love with me one day. So please, if you’re reading this, text me and tell me how you truly feel, not some “idk” or “nm”.
I pretend i’m losing weight for my health but the truth is i’m losing weight so i can make my ex want me again.
Dear Parents,
Some days I don’t feel alive. Some days I ask myself why do I even put up with this crap? Why don’t I just run? Yeah, I know running doesn’t solve anything, but its better then feeling worthless.
I screwed up. I’m a liar. No one understands me. No one knows what I go through, no one. The person people are seeing is not me; it’s who I want to be. I’m really dead inside this body. All my so called friends are not friends at all. Friends are supposed to see past your wall you put up and help you, aren’t they always suppose to be there? Well no one’s there for me. No one asks how my day was, no one knows that just five minutes ago I ripped my heart out and was crying.
Do you know why I never go to bed? Because I can’t sleep, everyone needs me to help solve their problems but do they ever try and help me with my problems? No. I’m grounded, no one knows. I’m broken, no one knows. No one understands the pain I grow through sometimes.
Yeah, at school I’m the happy one right? At home I’m not. Why do you think I wasn’t excited school was ending? I don’t want to go home. Did you know I’m failing classes? It’s because I just can’t mentally do it, I have problems. My parents think I’m lazy and a procrastinator, well I think there really is something wrong with me. Something’s bugging me and I don’t know what. Maybe it’s because inside I’m dying, broken, and misunderstood. I need help. But no one can see it.
Help. When someone screams it inside, why can no one go looking for it and find it? I need you.
Love, your daughter
I pretend to myself that i’m naturally pretty, but today I went to school with a lot of makeup, foundation, heavy black eyeshadow etc and most people said I looked pretty. I hate that I need makeup for people to like me 
I pretend that I’m the shit. But the truth is.. I feel like plain old shit.
