Susan Kwon

I PRETEND:

I’ll be the first to admit this one. It seems to be this month’s theme.

Collectively, I have well over two thousand submissions, but that doesn’t mean they are all ‘usable’ or approved. This seems to be one of the most popular prompts…approximately 400 and growing for this category alone. Probably because it immediately brings a certain someone to mind. These submissions generally take on the tone of rants, complaints, and confessions, but they also feel the most candid and sincere.  If I could measure the ‘emotional barometer’ they would range on the more extreme borders of feelings, such as passion, disgust, remorse,  judgment, and general annoyance. Reading some of them kind of make you wonder if the author is talking about a certain someone you know too… If you’re humored by these, then check out www.passiveaggressivenotes.com.

Dear You Know Who You Are,
Even though you think things are fine and dandy, I still haven’t received an apology to my face, and I still hold you in contempt. Be a man for fuck’s sake.

Dear You Know Who You Are,
I’m really sorry that I slept with your husband. It was impulsive, and it really wasn’t even worth it. I don’t even remember now why I gave in to him, but I can promise you I’ll never be his “other woman” again.

Dear You Know Who You Are,
Mr. Anderson I know that you have picked on my son for 2 years in math class. I can’t wait until he goes to another school next year with a fresh start. He is not dumb and never has been. I think you suck as a teacher.

Dear You Know Who You Are,
You really shouldn’t have had kids, you truly aren’t capable of being a father. You lack all the traits that define the word parent. Too bad for the both of us I AM one of your kids.

Dear You Know Who You Are,
Remember the time you asked if I thought two people could live together and stay in love? I told you that it could never happen. However, all I could think about was how much I wish we could give it a shot.

Dear You Know Who You Are,
When I walk up to you in your place of business, I expect more than just outward common courtesy. I expect to be looked upon as a fellow human being who is no less of a person than you are. Don’t look down on me because of your preconceived notions that you know anything about me by the way I dress or wear my hair. I desire as much respect as you do. Show it to others and they might show it more to you than they currently do.

Go ahead, you know who comes to mind….write your own at www.submitsecret.com. You’ll feel better after

I’ve been refining my prompts to get more specific responses. These submissions are selections from Secrets That Haunt. The prompt was: Everyone has secrets, but some secrets hold us no matter how hard you try to forget, deny, amend, or change. What’s a secret that haunts you? Just as my prompts vary in specificity, so do levels of what people consider to be deep, intimate, or regretful.

Female, 64
How long have you kept this secret: 4 years

My secret is that I don’t want to stay married. I want to live by my self and make my own decisions. I feel that I am trapped with a person who has taken me for granted. We have no sex life and I am jealous of people that do. This is leaving me a bitter person and I want to change for the remainder of my life. There’s more out there I want to see and I am ready to do this by my self.

Male, 29
How long have you kept this secret: 2 years

The secret that haunts my for the past two years is a big one. When I broke up with my girlfriend I told her that she is fat! That was so wrong no matter how she hurt me before and I’m sorry till this day but I don’t have the courage to call and tell her that.

Female, 23
How long have you kept this secret: 8 years

I killed my baby. It doesn’t matter if it was a product of un-consensual sex, or that I miscarried. It was half mine and I deliberately got rid of it. I don’t think it’s possible to regret anything as much as I do that one stupid moment when I made the wrong decision.

As I begin organizing submissions for my videos, the most common theme is relationships. Whether the writings are directed towards, pertaining to, or hidden from another person, the most compelling submissions are those that shape people’s lives. Many of them are specific to family and there’s a reason why it’s kept private. Here’s a selection from the category of family:

Female, 21
How long have you kept this secret: 13 years

Female, 33
How long have you kept this secret: 20 years

My mother’s disability wasn’t epilepsy, it was mental illness. That lie became holier than truth, something we created lies to protect even as it kept everyone else away. For all the stigma of mental illness, the need to keep others out from learning the truth led to lack of help and more bad than good.

Male, 45
How long have you kept this secret: 31 years

My secret is that when I was a kid about fourteen years old I used to make my younger sister naked and see her private parts. This went on for some months. Nobody knows about it, except of course my sister. This has given me a great complex and I can never look at my sister face to face even now.

Female, 18
How long have you kept this secret: 1 year, 3 months, 4 days and 2 hours….

“What’s my name?” she kept asking me. I looked into her empty eyes and wanted to cry. But there is no crying in front of her when she is like this. If you cry, she knows why. “My name is Hannah,” she says, to me, or maybe to the voices she hears. I close my eyes to block out the look she is giving me, and I take a deep breath. “Yep, your name is Hannah. My name is Lydia. We are sisters,” I say with a smile, holding her hand. She grasps it tightly, but her eyes are still empty. I sigh. “Okay, Hannah, time for bed. Let’s get your pill…” I say, and direct her to her room. I glance at the clock. It’s one a.m. I hold off my tears and bring her down to her bed. My secret? My sister has had a mental psychosis. No one really knows what went on during those times except for me and my dad. No one will ever know. Because it’s not like “being sick”. It is like literally losing your mind… And no one can understand that. So I’ve learned to keep my mouth shut and hold the tears back. I’ve learned that people don’t need to know the whole truth, and that sometimes the dirty laundry should just stay in the hamper. And most of all, I’ve learned that no matter what, family comes first. This way, no one can ever hurt my sister. Not if I can help it.