12pm: 1 box of coffee, 6 guys, 4 rides on the freight elevator–load in: check!
By 3pm: Framing– Chip & his guys were super fast & efficient!
10pm: drywall & slots in place
it’s gonna get done…it’s gonna get done…it’s gonna get done well & rock…
I’ve been thrown a curve ball and I’m going to catch it.
Courage lies not in the heat of pursuit. But in the moments spent silent. Deep in wait.
I always say that art & life are the same for me, but to what end? It’s an extension of my core and at its best it is intense and thought provoking, at its worst it is flimsy, overlooked and deflated. I’ve been making a faithful effort to say what I’m thinking and mean what I say in the pursuit of life reflecting art. Is there an incentive for that? I’m being turned inside out and that scares the shit out of me. The gap I’ve been trying to mind is getting narrower but I think I prefer it filled with silence. I want to do what I normally do and run…backspace…backspace…backspace…
And who says artist’s can’t do math?
Alright, I was a really poor math student in high school and this took forever to figure out the exact measurements and layout…and I still tweak it everyday. But now I think I have everything in its place, taking into account different eye-levels, but really, the size of the slits and heights are based on the content of the video–how near or far you have to stand, and even dipping down or getting on your tippy-toes. Three weeks to see the actual thing–be ready to get squinty-eyed!
Where have you been these past few weeks? I tried to catch up with you last night and but you never showed up. Now I’m waiting again and you’re late as usual. Why am I always the one chasing you? Whenever you do finally show up you’re so unpredictable. I hate it when you tease me with exactly what I need but our time together is cut abrupt and you leave me unfulfilled and wanting more. But some nights, you transcend my desires and dazzle my imagination and time seems to suspend itself. That’s what I keep coming back for. If I wasn’t so dependent on you I would do all the things I really want to do without ever having to accommodate you and your temperamental ways.
But what I’m really trying to say is that it’s been awhile and I’m kind of moody and restless and aloof because I miss you. I need you. I can’t function without you. Let’s not let last night repeat itself. If later really is better than never, then I’ll take what I can get. Please visit soon.
It’s time. I need a title for my thesis.
2 videos done (for now) four to go, 4 weeks left.
I’m so close, but I’m losing steam…too much editing and I much rather find a distraction away from the computer.
I need more chocolate and coffee and exercise and a personal cheerleader.
Any volunteers? Holla this way.
My work space:
USB’s & Hardrives-check
Stress toy bobblehead-check
What you can’t see in the picture is the exercise ball I sit on through hours of editing since sadly, my movements are limited to wrist action on the mouse.
“In the review of the 14 applications for the InterArts prize we considered the clarity of the written proposal, the quality of the previsualizations and the effect the funding would have on the ability to complete the project. In the end we selected Susan Kwon’s Submit Secret Project and Moreshin Allahyari’s Heaviness and Lightness video objects.
Ms. Kwon and Ms. Allahyari are engaged with concerns that have resonance to our current political and artistic context. In the case of Ms. Kwon, Submit Secret Project is a participatory form that invites people to reveal themselves within the anonymous environment of a web or paper form. The proposed piece has elements reminiscent of the web project www.learningtoloveyoumore.com by Herrell Fletcher and Miranda July as well as other artists associated with the umbrella term “relational aesthetics”.
Ms. Allahyari’s video work addresses censorship [internal and external] of women in Iran from the position of an insider. Her proposal places the videos within miniature theatrical contexts and will create a sense of intimacy and reliquary. In her book On Longing, Narratives of the Miniature, the Gigantic, the Souvenir and the Collection, Susan Stewart, in considering miniatures and toys, states: “The toy world presents a projection of the world in everyday life; this real world is miniaturized or giganticized in such a way as to test the relation between materiality and meaning.”
It is this kind of perceptual change that offers a potential lens into an experience of an individual; making the unknown less distant.”
The two members of the jury were Sabina Ott, Art and Design, and Mat Rappaport, Television.
Friday evening, participating artists each had a 6-foot wide table to utilize. The purpose is to share and promote your work for free without sales. I was originally planning on just having multiple boxes, but I was in an ‘excessive’ mood from being completely over stimulated and overwhelmed after three days of conversation & theory. So the result? An experiment in popularity. Here are some photos from the two hour event.
2 new submission boxes! Yes, they’re still all black but I lined the insides with bright red, which make me happy when I open them (yeah, yeah, I geek out over boxes).
Back to the original open-list format. This time much longer. Even if people didn’t participate, they at least stopped by to read the list or pick up some buttons and mini-cards. The one on display is I SAID | BUT I WAS THINKING, but sheets with the other prompts, I PRETEND and DEAR YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, were laid out as well. I usually go the super minimal route for my displays, but I’ll just say it, my brain felt like it was spilling over at this point from all the multi-tasking that the conference blog entailed, so I literally laid out everything I had. I’m kind of glad I did.
I’ve been carrying around my laptop & camera all day so I can blog on the go, but the web survey was a last minute addition when I discovered I could pick up free Wi-fi, score!
And this evening’s award for people’s choice of collection mode goes to…..
I can’t help but analyze the results, and it’s quite simple. While the list was sweet, clever and funny, the web-survey results submitted during those two hours were specific narratives. A handful of people submitted to the black box, and those were more like a spasm of frustration released with blue sharpies. I don’t know how many of the submissions I collected during this event will actually be used in my video installation, but I’m glad I got a little time to spread the word. I think the best part was seeing how people were amused with the open content of both the list and the mini-cards. The concept of free art exchange fit perfectly into this experiment. Now I have to catch up on writing my last batch of posts for CAA.
Oh, and one more thing: the installation walls will no longer be gray. They will be silver. Fancy. How is this related? I had this realization during the conference when I was event hopping for a photo blog.
The College Art Association is here in Chicago for the annual 2010 Conference! I’ve been recruited to be on their first blogging team and we kicked it off Wednesday with registration and pre-conference interviews with panel members, curators, critics, historians, writers, etc. The blog will give readers coverage on panel discussion, affiliated events, current exhibitions, receptions, opportunities, etc., from fifteen individual perspectives. It will be updated throughout the next 4 days and stay up for at least a year. It’s an exciting opportunity to meet & network with artists, educators and professionals working in similar fields. I plan on doing several pre & post interviews with chairs and panel members that are speaking on topics I’m interested in. Since I won’t have time to work on my thesis for the rest of the week, all I can do is promote www.submitsecret.com with a fresh batch of mini-cards placed around the conference and loop area. I am, however, excited to participate in ARTexchange on Friday. More to come…
Collectively, I have well over two thousand submissions, but that doesn’t mean they are all ‘usable’ or approved. This seems to be one of the most popular prompts…approximately 400 and growing for this category alone. Probably because it immediately brings a certain someone to mind. These submissions generally take on the tone of rants, complaints, and confessions, but they also feel the most candid and sincere. If I could measure the ‘emotional barometer’ they would range on the more extreme borders of feelings, such as passion, disgust, remorse, judgment, and general annoyance. Reading some of them kind of make you wonder if the author is talking about a certain someone you know too… If you’re humored by these, then check out www.passiveaggressivenotes.com.
Dear You Know Who You Are,
Even though you think things are fine and dandy, I still haven’t received an apology to my face, and I still hold you in contempt. Be a man for fuck’s sake.
Dear You Know Who You Are,
I’m really sorry that I slept with your husband. It was impulsive, and it really wasn’t even worth it. I don’t even remember now why I gave in to him, but I can promise you I’ll never be his “other woman” again.
Dear You Know Who You Are,
Mr. Anderson I know that you have picked on my son for 2 years in math class. I can’t wait until he goes to another school next year with a fresh start. He is not dumb and never has been. I think you suck as a teacher.
Dear You Know Who You Are,
You really shouldn’t have had kids, you truly aren’t capable of being a father. You lack all the traits that define the word parent. Too bad for the both of us I AM one of your kids.
Dear You Know Who You Are,
Remember the time you asked if I thought two people could live together and stay in love? I told you that it could never happen. However, all I could think about was how much I wish we could give it a shot.
Dear You Know Who You Are,
When I walk up to you in your place of business, I expect more than just outward common courtesy. I expect to be looked upon as a fellow human being who is no less of a person than you are. Don’t look down on me because of your preconceived notions that you know anything about me by the way I dress or wear my hair. I desire as much respect as you do. Show it to others and they might show it more to you than they currently do.
Go ahead, you know who comes to mind….write your own at www.submitsecret.com. You’ll feel better after
I’ve been refining my prompts to get more specific responses. These submissions are selections from Secrets That Haunt. The prompt was: Everyone has secrets, but some secrets hold us no matter how hard you try to forget, deny, amend, or change. What’s a secret that haunts you? Just as my prompts vary in specificity, so do levels of what people consider to be deep, intimate, or regretful.
How long have you kept this secret: 4 years
My secret is that I don’t want to stay married. I want to live by my self and make my own decisions. I feel that I am trapped with a person who has taken me for granted. We have no sex life and I am jealous of people that do. This is leaving me a bitter person and I want to change for the remainder of my life. There’s more out there I want to see and I am ready to do this by my self.
How long have you kept this secret: 2 years
The secret that haunts my for the past two years is a big one. When I broke up with my girlfriend I told her that she is fat! That was so wrong no matter how she hurt me before and I’m sorry till this day but I don’t have the courage to call and tell her that.
How long have you kept this secret: 8 years
I killed my baby. It doesn’t matter if it was a product of un-consensual sex, or that I miscarried. It was half mine and I deliberately got rid of it. I don’t think it’s possible to regret anything as much as I do that one stupid moment when I made the wrong decision.
As I begin organizing submissions for my videos, the most common theme is relationships. Whether the writings are directed towards, pertaining to, or hidden from another person, the most compelling submissions are those that shape people’s lives. Many of them are specific to family and there’s a reason why it’s kept private. Here’s a selection from the category of family:
How long have you kept this secret: 13 years
How long have you kept this secret: 20 years
My mother’s disability wasn’t epilepsy, it was mental illness. That lie became holier than truth, something we created lies to protect even as it kept everyone else away. For all the stigma of mental illness, the need to keep others out from learning the truth led to lack of help and more bad than good.
How long have you kept this secret: 31 years
My secret is that when I was a kid about fourteen years old I used to make my younger sister naked and see her private parts. This went on for some months. Nobody knows about it, except of course my sister. This has given me a great complex and I can never look at my sister face to face even now.
How long have you kept this secret: 1 year, 3 months, 4 days and 2 hours….
“What’s my name?” she kept asking me. I looked into her empty eyes and wanted to cry. But there is no crying in front of her when she is like this. If you cry, she knows why. “My name is Hannah,” she says, to me, or maybe to the voices she hears. I close my eyes to block out the look she is giving me, and I take a deep breath. “Yep, your name is Hannah. My name is Lydia. We are sisters,” I say with a smile, holding her hand. She grasps it tightly, but her eyes are still empty. I sigh. “Okay, Hannah, time for bed. Let’s get your pill…” I say, and direct her to her room. I glance at the clock. It’s one a.m. I hold off my tears and bring her down to her bed. My secret? My sister has had a mental psychosis. No one really knows what went on during those times except for me and my dad. No one will ever know. Because it’s not like “being sick”. It is like literally losing your mind… And no one can understand that. So I’ve learned to keep my mouth shut and hold the tears back. I’ve learned that people don’t need to know the whole truth, and that sometimes the dirty laundry should just stay in the hamper. And most of all, I’ve learned that no matter what, family comes first. This way, no one can ever hurt my sister. Not if I can help it.